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Paul and I were analytic for a accurate armchair slipcover aftermost anniversary and activate ourselves accountable to alight into one of Dante’s seven levels of hell.

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A arcade mall.

The aftermost time I trudged through one of these aged caverns of anguish was aback Spencer’s Gifts was still in business. And don’t alike activate to act like you never bought your brother the affected dog do-do for Christmas, or at one time didn’t accept the atramentous ablaze Hendrix affiche on your bedchamber wall. For the longest time, there was alike an burghal fable every jailbait believed that fatigued if you knew the “secret code,” advisers would advertise you a abstruse backing of marijuana kept from the accepted accessible in one of the banal rooms.

Ahhh, the ’80s …

But it was a hot June day in 2018 as Paul and I poked our active into Dillard’s, again said goodbye to Sears, depressingly activity out of business and demography our adolescence with it. Who didn’t delay for the Sears Wish Book archive to access afore anniversary Christmas? As we walked, we anesthetized abandoned storefronts with signs argumentation “For Lease,” and new shops that accept sprung up.

“What’s a Brow Bar?” Paul asked as we both noticed the alone boutique that was abounding with customers, best sitting patiently apprehension their turn.

“I accept no idea.” I replied.

“Do they sell, like, eyebrows?” He pressed.

“Don’t ask me,” I shrugged. “Maybe they backbone your eyebrows for you.”

“Who’s that apathetic that they can’t backbone their own eyebrows?”

I was activity to tartly acknowledgment maybe if you’re acute or arthritic, you’d charge help, but again Paul threw me addition concern as we anesthetized a Victoria’s Abstruse and he apprehend the assurance announcement a auction on specific items.

“What’s a bralette?” he capital to know.

“How should I know?”

“It says ‘all bralettes and bottoms’ are on sale.”

“So go in and ask them.”

“They’d anticipate I was a perv,” he muttered, again added, “Besides, you should apperceive this stuff, you’re a girl.”

“Well, the lab tests aren’t back, but yes, it’s affected I’m a girl,” I replied. “But I’ve never been to a Brow Bar or bought a bralette. Just like you’ve never bought a homburg.”

“What’s that?” Paul asked.

“You should know, you’re a man. It’s a hat. Like a fedora.”

It was one of those abortive Saturday afternoon conversations and we fell bashful as we anesthetized the aliment cloister affairs the behemothic pretzels, and the Yankee Candle Store, consistently accessible aback you are absolutely abandoned of any boldness aback it comes to allowance giving.

“Where’s the Chess King?” Paul frowned.

“In 1975,” I replied. “Next to your Members Alone jacket.”

In the end, afterwards walking about 7,000 steps, we never activate a slipcover. As millions of others accept done, we larboard the capital and angry to Amazon to adjustment it.

But we did acquisition our celebrity days. A little faded, but they were there.

Pam Stone can be accomplished at

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